Appreciating letting someone know you like them and what they do.

This weekend I've been with friends and actually tried to combat social anxiety. That nasty thing that when confronted with being expected to socialise with someone, my mind will go blank, I'll panic and then want to disappear, perhaps coming back to them on my own terms later on when everything is in control and I'm able to engage in a conversation about them and not me, I don't like to use "I" or "me" too much, I want to get to know other people better and be there for them, be the one they can rant too and get things out their system.

With the help of a little alcohol, I was able to resolve a few things with a few people, and I even learnt a few people actually read this blog as well, ones I never expected to read this, so that was incredibly awesome and overwhelmed me slightly. 

So what I've learnt is that maybe those people who don't talk to me much, or at all, actually don't mind or even do like me, they're just similar to me in that they don't know what to say or what to do, how to approach someone like me who will shy away because they feel awkward and panic.

It's an infuriating reaction/response to go brain dead and freak a bit though, to feel awkward and yet willing your mind to think of questions to ask, to say the appropriate things to let someone talk with you.It's that, or nervously talking about anything that comes to mind and throwing everything at them, and then worrying you've just made things worse in your pretend reality.

The point of this entry is to appreciate those who do listen, who wait for you to think of what you want to say, who fills in those gaps for you while you listen, relax and come out of your shell more. Those who quietly make the effort to read these silly entries of mine without saying anything to me, I guess it must be worth it to keep reading them, and that's awesome. That's definitely motivating and encouraging me to not give up on this blog.

It's funny how you're supported and cared for without even knowing it. It's good if you tell people how you feel, that you like them, something they do, who they are.. anything. It's better than letting someone assume you don't like them, surely? pretty sure I'm a hypocrite now.