A year since he died

So this week was the year anniversary since Robin Williams ended his life. I saw the last movie he did which was called Absolutely Anything today, I had been looking forward to it despite being anxious and upset it was his last movie. I won't spoil anything but I encourage anyone who sees it to stay a few minutes into the credits. There's a simple clip that I couldn't help but cry to watch it, knowing that was probably the last time he was seen working his magic.

As a kid I'd watch his movies a lot. He looked like my granddad who raised me but was at work a lot, so I guess Robin took his place. He made me laugh, he made me sentimental, he made me who I am today.

As I grew older, I learned of his struggles more and related to them, I could empathise and I'd think about him almost daily and I'd think fondly of him at that. He made me laugh, he made me cry, he made me miss him despite never meeting him. I was in love with a second Father who was on-screen and I could see whenever I wanted.

Seeing him die in movies made me very sad because I'd relate to my granddad, as well as just loving Robin as well. I never wanted him to die, I knew he'd be there for many years to come and I dreaded him passing away. This fear developed as I was a kid and onwards, call me weird if you must.

I always wanted to speak to him or meet him but felt I was one of millions who wanted to do so, so why bother. I was there and for some reason I thought he would know that if he wanted a friend or someone to talk too, I'd be there. A part of me strongly regrets not contacting him just to make him aware of it, despite knowing it would get overlooked, I felt my love would make everything better and that I was different to the generic types of caring people. I was genuine.

But now he has passed away and I still struggle to watch anything with him involved without crying. I don't even think about it, and it happens. My brain can be fine with it but it does it none the less. I loved him to bits and I can't help that. It's been a year and I have barely healed in that year, I miss him and I hate that he's not around any more, but I will always encourage people to be more aware of how brilliant of a person he was and still is. 

Thank you Robin. Thank you for being amazing..