Appreciating the one you have.

I appreciate when I can snuggle up into Luke's arms and lose myself. He is everything in that moment,  my world and my bliss.

Everything else melts away. I'm safe in his arms and when I am in bed without him and think of that moment,  I yearn for it as if it'll never happen again.  It is a sad truth that one day it won't, but being incredibly fussy when it comes to trusting someone, too have someone at all is precious. Small things get overlooked far too easily.  Someone who tolerates my crazy and makes me laugh and feel relaxed and comfortable around and they're fun and just as cynical as I am, more in fact. I am incredibly paranoid when it comes to people and struggle to trust.

But I miss being in his arms and watching something or just sleeping. I am small, almost tiny while there.  I don't feel I even have a body and my worries don't exist.  It's so quiet and beautiful to feel the warmth and softness of his skin and appreciate him for who he is and just by being there and what he means. I can turn my brain off and that's the only time it's quiet in there without occupying it with housework or painting etc.

So always appreciate when you have someone and think about them,  not yourself (although don't go overboard,  no one likes an obsessive clingy person.) Think about why you like or love them,  realise why and what makes them different. Because it's always lovely to be on the receiving end especially if it's from someone you love or respect in return. That's my personal advise because we're alive now.  Who knows what will happen other than the depressing reality if we let it get to us. Appreciate what you have right now! Love them. Your friends,  family,  partner(s), pets and so on. If you choose to live life on your own then that's fine too.

Appreciating them when they're not there.

Haven't written one of these out in a while, but last night I appreciated when my partner goes home and he leaves his hoody with me. I only take comfort in it when I feel uneasy and want some form of comfort without bothering him for attention (I feel better about myself if I can fix myself without help.)

So I settle down in bed, grab the hoody and curl up on my side with it, usually my left side. It smells of him, it's soft and it has an incredible sense of familiarity and comfort to it, I can be on my own but feel he's still there, and in some ways I think I prefer that for when I don't want to be alone, but don't want company.

I don't feel there's anything to be ashamed of about this. It's a coping mechanism, it helps, it enables me not to let something feel or get worse, and it's essentially a breath of fresh air when you don't realise you need that most.

So don't be embaressed about comforts like that, it's nice to be able to do that and smile, be at peace. It's bliss.