Appreciate the perfect moment to kiss someone

If I really enjoyed watching something, or finish a long conversation that was slightly exciting because we kept finding new things to talk about without pause for a while or I have a moment where the weather and atmosphere is right and a perfect song plays that reminds me of them or just how ideal the song is fir the situation.

It's the perfect moment to kiss someone you like and embrace that memory.  Emotions are great at making you remember those perfect little moments that make life worth it. You have everything in that one moment and your own little world.

So many little factors make the perfect opportunity. Why ignore and waste it?

Appreciate getting immersed with something you like/love.

Recently I had a moment of clarity.  Hopefully it lasts.

In the good times in my last relationship I gradually learnt over time to open up to games. Get immersed with them. I found laying on bed in the dark with them meant I could put my headphones on and know they'd be there when I came out of that world.  Sometimes I'd cry with sadness, sometimes I'd cry with relief or joy and have a cuddle.

That was important to me. I struggle to switch my mind off if I'm on my own at my desk, and knowing he understood what I was going through helped a lot. I don't trust anyone else to understand and I feel sad at that,  but at least there's someone.  So if you have at least one person who makes you feel comfortable playing something then give them a hug or message sometime :).

But the point of this entry isn't just that.  It's that I've learnt there's no shame to play a game and love the characters and quotes and what you do in the game itself.  There's no shame to be obsessed with the storyline, play style and characters. Overall it is the sane as any other hobby.

That's something I've always struggled with; feeling ashamed and guilty if I love something enough to develop feelings and/or an obsession over it. It's distracted me from remembering much of something and concentrating on it. Believing there's no point getting too involved.

Maybe over time I'll be able to learn to love games etc without having someone around who understands, or someone I can talk enthusiastically about what we loved and disliked etc about it. But for now,  I appreciate I am starting to see and believe and love.  It is making me more confident too.

Appreciating music when you travel.

Today I decided to jump on a train to see my parents because my plans fell through. Last night I'd completed a game called 'Life is Strange'  and that game made me emotional when the music kicked in. It had a strong feel to it, it made my emotions stir and a passion kick in.

So I decided to listen to the soundtrack on the train in a window seat. The sun setting and being unable to hear anything outside of my head phones.

I am in a world with music that is both relaxing and surreal. I've delved into a world that is less bleak and depressing (when you think too much about it), but mysterious and open or whatever you want to make of it.

I've always enjoyed listening to music on trains, in a different way than in cars (which is ideal for singing at the top of your lungs) because you can tune out while you travel until you get to your destination and you're somewhere else.

So I recommend doing this some day if you haven't.

Appreciating the one you have.

I appreciate when I can snuggle up into Luke's arms and lose myself. He is everything in that moment,  my world and my bliss.

Everything else melts away. I'm safe in his arms and when I am in bed without him and think of that moment,  I yearn for it as if it'll never happen again.  It is a sad truth that one day it won't, but being incredibly fussy when it comes to trusting someone, too have someone at all is precious. Small things get overlooked far too easily.  Someone who tolerates my crazy and makes me laugh and feel relaxed and comfortable around and they're fun and just as cynical as I am, more in fact. I am incredibly paranoid when it comes to people and struggle to trust.

But I miss being in his arms and watching something or just sleeping. I am small, almost tiny while there.  I don't feel I even have a body and my worries don't exist.  It's so quiet and beautiful to feel the warmth and softness of his skin and appreciate him for who he is and just by being there and what he means. I can turn my brain off and that's the only time it's quiet in there without occupying it with housework or painting etc.

So always appreciate when you have someone and think about them,  not yourself (although don't go overboard,  no one likes an obsessive clingy person.) Think about why you like or love them,  realise why and what makes them different. Because it's always lovely to be on the receiving end especially if it's from someone you love or respect in return. That's my personal advise because we're alive now.  Who knows what will happen other than the depressing reality if we let it get to us. Appreciate what you have right now! Love them. Your friends,  family,  partner(s), pets and so on. If you choose to live life on your own then that's fine too.

Appreciating them when they're not there.

Haven't written one of these out in a while, but last night I appreciated when my partner goes home and he leaves his hoody with me. I only take comfort in it when I feel uneasy and want some form of comfort without bothering him for attention (I feel better about myself if I can fix myself without help.)

So I settle down in bed, grab the hoody and curl up on my side with it, usually my left side. It smells of him, it's soft and it has an incredible sense of familiarity and comfort to it, I can be on my own but feel he's still there, and in some ways I think I prefer that for when I don't want to be alone, but don't want company.

I don't feel there's anything to be ashamed of about this. It's a coping mechanism, it helps, it enables me not to let something feel or get worse, and it's essentially a breath of fresh air when you don't realise you need that most.

So don't be embaressed about comforts like that, it's nice to be able to do that and smile, be at peace. It's bliss.

Supporting those who struggle with mental illness

It's so stupid when you have control of your mind.  When you're not letting it take control or overwhelm you. You feel great and don't care about how people think.  You're yourself and not letting the doubts and insecurity in.  You're happy,  content,  peaceful, you catch yourself smiling in the mirrors and everything seems less scary.

But you know something will happen or trigger a moods swing or throw you off. You place as much mental defence as you can muster,  ready for that.  Hoping you stumble but don't fall. In the back of your mind you know that's all you can do because you're stuck with it,  stuck with the voices in your head that make you feel alone at the worst times.

But when you're capable of ignoring them, everything is great, that strength you know you have just comes out of nowhere. You know how to handle it and it feels like you're weak when it gets you out of nowhere. But you're not. Some people just don't understand that it gets the best of you and you're fighting it, trying not to use it as an excuse. You don't enjoy it all,  why would you? You can't just tell your mind to get back into the good zone either. It pulls you down until you've realised your coping mechanisms too.

I know it's not just me who goes through this. I wanted to throw this out there because I'm in the good patch lately, and I hope I can help those who currently can't find their way out at the moment.  Sometimes it's a few hours or days,  but sometimes it takes weeks to get back on top. So you're not alone, okay? Good!

Take and create opportunities

While chatting to my partner earlier today, I realised that there's a lot of people I know who don't believe in celebrating main events of the year (Christmas, New Years, Halloween mostly. Easter and Valentines are more optional in my opinion, oh and Birthdays) because there's no point?

I fail to understand how people don't mind not celebrating anything all year and they're okay with this. Not having reasons to see people, make memories and make new friends, experience new things and even learn new things by simply doing things instead of doing nothing.

I do understand there's mental illness and there's just being nervous about it all, but at the end of the day you don't know what will happen when you've died, so why not experience these things, take opportunities and make your own ones? Go for it, do it, make things happen and learn. You can do the things you want to do when there's not something going on, that's sort of the point.

These are excuses people use to get together and celebrate something to make it more meaningful, people learn something out of it the majority of the time. Such as, I never want to host that again, or I'll host it better, or I'll actually talk to more people, bring something else, or I want to buy that game they were playing as it was fun, and so on..

Maybe it's a pet peeve of mine or something, but that's my opinion about it either way. Even if you don't feel like it, just try and do something and make sure you have an escape plan if you're really unsure.

Life is an experience in itself.