It's so stupid when you have control of your mind. When you're not letting it take control or overwhelm you. You feel great and don't care about how people think. You're yourself and not letting the doubts and insecurity in. You're happy, content, peaceful, you catch yourself smiling in the mirrors and everything seems less scary.
But you know something will happen or trigger a moods swing or throw you off. You place as much mental defence as you can muster, ready for that. Hoping you stumble but don't fall. In the back of your mind you know that's all you can do because you're stuck with it, stuck with the voices in your head that make you feel alone at the worst times.
But when you're capable of ignoring them, everything is great, that strength you know you have just comes out of nowhere. You know how to handle it and it feels like you're weak when it gets you out of nowhere. But you're not. Some people just don't understand that it gets the best of you and you're fighting it, trying not to use it as an excuse. You don't enjoy it all, why would you? You can't just tell your mind to get back into the good zone either. It pulls you down until you've realised your coping mechanisms too.
I know it's not just me who goes through this. I wanted to throw this out there because I'm in the good patch lately, and I hope I can help those who currently can't find their way out at the moment. Sometimes it's a few hours or days, but sometimes it takes weeks to get back on top. So you're not alone, okay? Good!
